Statue

 The first time I walked into a trophy shop, I thought man, this guy is good.

                                                                                                   Some Guy

 

This just in.....San Francisco....Buster Simpson, A Seattle artist hired by this city’s art commission, after 6 months of ‘designing’ has come up a plan for a sculpture to enhance the City by the Bays Embarcadero district. Mr. Simpson, ‘Buster’ to his friends, has designed a giant....get this now ......foot.  Apparently Buster came up with the idea to illustrate  ‘the motion of a foot embarking on land’, & visualizes the foot resting on its toes. Buster now wants his $400,000.oo to finish the project.

 Meanwhile enter mayor Willie Brown, who calls himself a ‘traditionalist’ when it comes to art, after viewing the foots preliminary design, questions whether the taxpayers are getting their moneys worth.

“I have seen the drawings,” says hizonor, “And maybe it’s a $100,000.oo foot...but $400,000.oo?”

 Buster Simpson, obviously miffed by Willie Browns assessment retorts; “For 100,000.oo maybe the mayor gets an inflatable foot, I personally visualize marble.”

 Let us now examine these things called statues, this civic vanity which is meant to describe a cities character.

 1. The big one, the Statue of Liberty, cost to build:$400,000.oo. (Maybe Buster ought to go back over his figuers.) Cost to us: Nada, a gift from our good pals the French.

 Size: big..very big...At 151 feet tall, 225 tons this Statue was a heck of a deal pound for pound. We’re talking about a green copper woman with a 35 foot waist, a 42 foot arm & a 8 foot index finger. She is 51 feet taller than the Colossus of Rhodes, which as everyone knows was colossal. Buster might well heed the statue building attributes of our frogy friends. I personally have seen the Statute of Liberty up close & am here to tell you she does in fact instill a certain national pride. As my wife Vicki & I stood at her massive feet swelling with Americanism a Japanese family yelled in butchered English;

 “MOVE PREES WANT PICTURE!”

 Well, we were so filled with patriotism, & proud of ‘our’ Statue of Liberty, there seemed to be but one response for our international comrades.

 “UP YOURS!!!YOULITTLEFORIGN DEVIL!!!! THIS IS MY STATUE!!

2. Copenhagen, The Little mermaid. Who’s’ heart strings would not be plucked to see this wistful fish-girl, waiting for her man to come home from the sea....or waiting for her fish to come back from the freezer, or is she sad cause it’s so hard to walk in fins, or was it...

3. Rio De Janeiro Statue of Christ atop Sugar Loaf Mountain. Great location.

4. Caracas Venezuela. Statue of Christ spreads arms to city below.

5 Bogota’ Columbia. statue of Christ stands high atop Monserrate. During certain religious festivals pilgrims come from hundreds of miles away...on their knees.

You are hard pressed, as a mater of fact, to escape the doleful gaze of Jesus or Simon Bolivar in any South American city.

6. Mazatlan Mexico. A muscular, alabaster white, fisherman draws his net from the sea. Entangled in the net a beautiful naked woman. Titled ‘A Good Day’ I have smashed into this statue at a high rate of speed in a 1964 Galaxy & will attest...it’s hell for stout as should be a good statue.

7. Iraq , The Fountain Of Martyrs. Blood red dyed water flows over cement blocks, simulating the blood of the thousands of young men & women that have died for the cause.

The monument does not instill in the tourist the same warm fuzzy feeling that say the Little Mermaid does.

8. Giza Egypt. The Great Sphinx. Hey, who wouldn’t want this bad boy in the front yard. At 66 feet high, 240 feet long, & a face 13 feet 8 inches wide This yard ornament blows cement Burros, & plastic flamingos down the block. A solid rock, resting lion with the face of King Khafre of the 26th century BC this is one of a kind.

9. Waving Cowboy, Wendover Nevada. Bowlegged, 100 foot high, waving, smiling, neon cowpoke beckons you into the Stateline Casino....which you do not hesitate to do, as you have just spent the last 2 days in Utah.

10. Dragon & Knight, Crested Butte Colorado. The best of them all. With the craggy cliffs of the Butte, shrouded in swirling morning mists as the backdrop, this flashing, chrome, medieval battle rages anew each day. Envisioned & assembled by the extraordinarily gifted hand of Crested Buttes own Sean Guerrii... the statue means many things to many people. As the worker bees of Crested Butte South commute past this epic struggle each morning the statue holds different meaning to each that behold it. To some, the gallant Knight could be tiny Crested Butte itself waging war against the giant Amax Corporation. To others they fancy themselves the Knight, doing battle against the boss, their mother in law, the IRS, themselves,or the world. I myself call it....Banking. As the early sun dances on armor & silvery scales this is one statue that does truly embody a place, captures the sprit & character of its people as no statue anywhere. Sure a golden Bob Gillie as Buddha in the middle of main street might have been nice, or a bronze, grinning Gary Garcia with Sombrero & BBQ Fork. Perhaps even Glo Cunningham & the Land Trust Board raising their sign over a new a parcel , patterned from that famous Marines raising the flag over Iwo Jima monument. Even an austere Bill Crank, hand in cloak fondling his own breast, imported pigeons soiling his head standing silent sentinel over totem pole park........

 naaaaaa.