Organ Farm

                                                              

 Briton plans to stop the breeding of pit bulls. It’s hard enough to put a muzzle on a pit bull--lots of luck with those condoms.

                                                                                  Jay Leno

 

I left My Heart in San Fransico.

                                              Early donor song

 

 Just what in the world are those crazy Brits up to now? From the land that brought us powdered wigs, bangers & beans perhaps you noticed the latest English endeavor:

                                 BRITISH BREED HEADLESS FROG

 Now, for me anyway, only one question comes to mind.....why?

 Just what was wrong with the old frog, & why would a nation turn over what was left of their tax money,(after the royal family has had their way with it), to a team of scientists to breed headless frogs? We read on...

 ‘the technique may lead to the production of headless human clones to grow organs & tissue for transplant.’

 Whoa.

 Are we perhaps tampering with mother nature here just a wee (British for tiny) bit. Remember Frankenstien? Good idea gone bad. Remember the Fly...Godzilla? Each time someone tries to improve on the original something goes wrong. Like a kid with a chemistry set you can bet dollars to doughnuts he will burn the house down before he finds a cure for cancer. We just aren’t smart enough yet to be creating a race of headless humans. Mindless humans fur sure...look at any Marlyn Manson concert crowd but headless? Negate the noggin, no more noodle? hack the hatrack, powder the pate, cabash the cabasa. Methinks not my good man.

 It’s true, organs on a stick would be innovative...think about it, fast food organs...a whole new meaning to Jack in a Box. Just pull in to your favorite Organ Outlet & order up a new part...Parts R Us. Earl Schibe: Bladder Special this week only, installed while you wait. Maybe  it could branch into Ma & Pa stores.

“Ma, gimmie a half gallon of Jack Daniels, a new liver, size 42, a pack of Marlbourghs & a left lung.”

 You want Pa to install those here for ya?”

“ Na, to go.”

 Perhaps Organ Outlets would boast spring & fall sales: Prices on Organs cut & Slashed this week only! Refrigeration failed everything must go.

 Perhaps one could run down over the border & really pick up some deals:

 “PSST MEESTER!” Wanna buy a lovely pancreas? Like new! Cheaper than Wall Mart!”

You think this is funny? Keith Richards, guitar player for a British Band called the Rolling Stones, already has his entire blood supply sucked out & replaced with new blood every couple of months.(His old blood goes to fueling Russian Space launches). Many people, possible even someone you know, are now running about with baboon or pig parts ticking away inside them. Which to me is a bit disconcerting. I mean if I was gonna get a replacement part I would certainly want a Grade A certified Human part. Other wise the Church family might well be swinging from the trees again in a couple more generations.

 And just how would these headless clones come about?

 ‘Mr. & Mrs. I. R. Church proudly announce the birth of a 7 lb 4 oz headless clone by the name of Pat. Mrs. Church says Pat plans to be an organ donor when he grows up.’

 Advantages? Headless clones don’t cry, don’t eat much, don’t talk back.

 Disadvantages? They aren’t much fun.

 Which brings to mind another problem just how many organs can a organ donor donate before it does in the donor? Say you got a run on hearts & livers around Christmas time, but no one wants Spleens. Then what? A home for unwanted Spleens?

              SERGEANT PEPPERS LONELY HEARTS & OTHER ORGANS CLUB

Truly a world of humanoids & their headless clone spare part counterparts, is a world that for me anyway is hard to conjure....but then I am an old fashioned guy.

 But let us try to be open minded for a moment so lend me an ear.

 The organs actually would be ‘grown’ in a embryonic sac living in an artificial womb. They could be ‘grown to order’ using cells from the recipient, eliminating the threat of rejection. In other words the liver you ordered would be your own. The present method, as or own beloved pal Lonesome Bob Brazell will testify, is not only costly & dangerous, but at times unfair, organs going to the rich & famous long before we common folk get a shot at them. Think of it, your own skin could be grown following a bad burn, children born innocently with a bad heart would get a chance at a normal life. There is certainly nothing ethically wrong in saving lives if we are afforded the knowledge to do so. Does the idea that there can be more of you made make you any less special? If God in fact made us in the likeness of himself, would he not want that likeness to work correctly? Would he not, for lack of one small part, want that life to live out it’s potential. Me thinks so, for nothing to a human, is as important as life...as far as we know at this point anyway, eh Bob?

 No where does it say thou shall not tinker. 

   As Dr. Jonathan Slack of Bath University who helped create the headless frog stated:

 “We are not doing anyone any harm.”

 The frog had no comment.