THANKSGIVINGS AROUND THE WORLD
Thanksgiving in Chernyoble: A two pound turkey & a 50 lb Cranberry.
Johnny Carson
Everyone knows of course the colorful origins of Thanksgiving in America. How the pilgrims, new to the neighborhood, whipped up a huge spread for their Indian neighbors, stuffed them with their own turkeys & fine wine, then dispatched them & took the property. So every year about this time we give thanks that nuclear devices haven’t fallen into the hands of the remaining native Americans.
But let us now examine this festive holiday as it’s celebrated around the world. First Germanys Thanksgiving, or Farquengroven, meaning ‘Hide the Frankfurter.’
Frankfurters of course were originally grown by a fellow called Frank in the small hamlet of Furter in Germanys Southern Bratworst region. Frank’s furters were a highly prized delicacy to the towns folk, so at harvest time November 27, all the young maidens would gather up every furter of Franks they could find & conceal them about the fields. Well you can imagine the frenzy that followed when the menfolk woke to find the fugitive frauleins, vanished with Franks favorite furters.On through the day fun & frolic insued till each young man had discovered the whereabouts of his frauleins furter. The tradition stuck. However, with the advent of genetically altered Furters of modern day, some reaching 26 lbs, the frolines of Germany are finding it harder & harder to conceal the beasts from their loved ones till the hunt begins.
Swedish Thanksgiving, or Day Of The Meatball. On those cold winter nights, around Nov. 27 Swedes around the country take time from jump-starting their Saabs to gather their families together in what surely must be one of the oddest thanksgiving celebrations. For days before hand a giant meatball has been fashioned by the womenfolk of the clan. Stuffed with everything from crabmeat to yogurt, the huge meaty orb, about the size of a large beachball, is now suspended from the ceiling. At this point the entire family strips naked, as you know the Scandinavians feel much more comfortable with nudity, often times around stark naked under their daily attire. Anyway, now the entire family gathers nude, blindfolded, with hockey sticks in hand & proceeds to try to beat the meat...ball. This of course is an excellent time to air year long family grievances & the resulting mayhem can run quite amuck. As you can well imagine when a family member does finally connect with the crammed meatball the group finds itself immediately awash in gooey stuffing. At this point the entire clan runs naked & squealing out the front door, diving into the nearest snowbank & rolling themselves clean.
Japanese Thanksgiving: Ah-so...nothing like the smell of raw fish wafting from the kitchen on this most prized of Japanese traditional days. Nothing like the homey aroma of a pile of aged eels to set those taste buds tingling. The Japanese love to feast & on this day strictly set aside for eating not a slithering crawling,bottom feeding creature is safe from the table.
Every sea Aquarium in Japan is closed to the public & heavily guarded on this day of the ginsue. A typical Japanese plate would make Jacque Cousteau green with envy, starting with warm rice wine, to perhaps a starter course of sea urchin on bamboo shoots. Then on to peeled snake slightly warmed, on a bed of seaweed. Yum..bo. Some monkey brain pate might be nice. The main course may well consist of sucker or squid lip, fish eye medley with a good hunk of sea iguana bobbing about. The lucky Japanese family may wrap things up with a lightly grilled Tiger paw or bear bladder for desert. Boy these people know how to live.
African Thanksgiving: Africans are typically vegetarians with good reason. Most of the meat in Africa being attached to animals the size of Mack trucks, being vegetarian in Africa is healthy in more ways than one. However when thanksgiving rolls around these people know how to party. Traditionally an male elephant is sought to grace the thanksgiving table but at 12,000 lbs you can imagine the problems that might arise in preparation. Let’s see...at 300 degrees, 20 minutes per pound the average roasting of these unwieldy entrees is just under 300 days 4 hours 10 minutes. A backhoe is generally sought to aid with the stuffing but in pre-backhoe Africa young un-circumsized men were sought for the job. The pre-pubescent lads were in fact given a choice. They could spend the year before thanksgiving stuffing the elephant...or they could kill a lion with a Swiss Army knife. Stuffing boys were never in short supply. When it came time to invite the guests, not only the immediate family but the entire tribe was asked over as a good sized thanksgiving elephant will serve between 30 to 50 thousand people...depending on the side dishes. So Ron & Thelma Rwanda would invite their entire clan, Bob & Betty Burundi, The Kenneth Kenyans & so on. Over the years it became a matter of national pride where one ate thanksgiving dinner, so boarders were drawn & that is why there are so darn many different countries in Africa today.
Eskimo Thanksgiving, or Turkmuckluck : The term ‘cold turkey’ originated at this festive fun & frosty event. The frozen bird is often used as a bowling ball in the pre-dinner events. A large group of these fur clad northern residents will gather over a bottle of cold duck, & a nice plate of cold cuts while bowling for the right of not being the one to carve the turkey. In fact woe be it to the luckless fellow who’s job it is to reduce a 30 lb bird the consistancy of kryptonite to individual servings. Turkey bowling serves to help tenderize the beast before the designated server is put in a padded igloo with eye-protection & a sledge hammer to reduce the bird to bite sized bits. Side dishes may well include Seal blubber Au gratin, creamed seal blubber, seal blubber stuffing, mashed & whipped seal blubber, & frozen seal blubber desert with choclate sauce. In the tradition of the pilgrims & Indians, the early Eskimo Thanksgivings often times would include an invitation to their closests neighbors, the polar bears. These feasts though quite often resulted in disaster when the bears, demanding more desert, were sadly disapointed by their hosts.....hence the term,
Eskimo Pie.
No comments:
Post a Comment