The sky is falling! The sky is falling!
Chicken Little
Break out the Coppertone ye of runny noses, we’re about to fry like bugs in the zapper, like shrimps on the barbie. The environmental defense fund says there is now no stopping destructive global warming & within the next 100 years, or just about the time my mortgage has a balloon payment, we’re all dead meat...well done.
Well I suppose it makes little sense to save for my kids education when the entire planet is gonna look like Mars. Might as well just spend it now.
Just how real is this threat of ‘global warming’ anyhow & should we cash in those IRA’s before their burnt toast? I mean I’m a little confused here.
20 years ago the panic was ‘global cooling’. Scientists up & down the block were screaming “ICE AGE!!”. Due to industrial burning & jet contrails the particulate matter in the atmosphere was blocking out the sun. Maybe you’ll remember the Brazilian coffee crop & the Russian grain yield devastated by unusual cold...maybe you won’t . Perhaps you’ll recall sea ice had become a major problem in the shipping lanes of the North Atlantic & the Arctic Oceans....perhaps you won’t. Anyway it was bad....real bad. We were all gonna freeze to death & good long johns were scarcer than snake hips.
Then suddenly sometime in 1978 someone screamed ‘GREENHOUSE WARMING!” & blamed it on carbon dioxide & (get this now) hair spray. Suddenly the beehive hairdo was kin to smoking in a maternity ward. Those old bullet proof do’s went the way of the Edsel overnight. I for one immediately smelled a rat. It was quite clear to me that Aqua net & Vaseline planned a take over of the hair holding business. Global warming my butt.
But then sheep started getting skin cancer in Chile & some astronaut actually saw the hole in the ozone in person. Nobody stopped to think that we haven’t exactly had a long history of people being above the ozone looking down. Heck, maybe there was always a hole there!
Any how it caused a panic & in 1992 anybody that could afford a ticket met in Rio De Janeiro, ( the place that made famous the song ‘The Girl with Emphysema’) & everyone that wasn’t to drunk, agreed that yes indeed we did have a problem here & yes indeed lets do something about it, & yes practically everyone signed a pact to end it, then everyone returned home sobered up & forgot the entire affair.
Now we Americans who consider ourselves invincible & have some long range plans for ourselves & the most to lose as we are the richest, squealed the loudest. Surly it must be those shifty little secretive Chinese causing the problem. After all everyone knows those guys burn coal to power their entire country which is huge, even bigger than Texas, & everyone knows the sky is black with pollution & a million Chinese a year die of lung diseases. In fact they have a saying in China: (From the sparrows in the sky to the intestines of pigs, everything is black.)...they actually have a saying for everything in China though. So it must be the yellow peril that is gonna bring us all down.
Wrong...in fact it is us ...good old America, 5 percent of the worlds population spewing out 25% of the worlds greenhouse gasses.
Whoa, you say...bummer.
Even Mister Clinton, rabid environmentalist that he is, had to rework his global warming treaty the other day after aids enformed him he might be looking at economic chaos & at best 4 billion pissed off consumers if the treaty were in fact implemented.
Hey we don’t wanna hear it!
Most of us don’t even realize for instance that only 12 percent of our electricity comes from hydropower, that in fact most of electricity in this country comes from burning coal & oil.
WHOA!! Say it aint so....it is.
Well, I’m not gonna give up my VCR or my Chevy...so how much time do we have left?
According to the science guys we can expect an increase of 3 to 8 degrees in the next 100 years. Big deal you say, that would bring the average yearly temperature in crested Butte to just about freezing...so what.
The problem lies in the oceans which are in fact giant heat sinks. If the temperature of the oceans rise, we’re looking at serious weather changes. For instance, the last warming period back in 1300 something caused floods in China that killed over 7 million folks.
Not to mention skin cancer & bad sledding.
But hey, what do we care....100 years, all new people
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